Dad Jokes

Amorak Huey

You’re rolling your eyes already.
Nice to meet you, Rolling Your Eyes
Already, I’m Dad; did you hear
what the zero said to the eight?
Nice belt & also I’m gonna need to see your passport.
If you’re American in the living room
& European in the bathroom
what are you in the airport holding cell?
Don’t worry, I’ve got like a million of these.
You seem to have an allergic reaction on your skin
but let’s not make any rash decisions,
health care is complicated. What
did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
What do you call an immigrant with no eyes?
What do you call someone
threatening to blow up Jewish daycares?
Why do I take peanut butter
on my morning commute?
I think you know. Sandwich
walks into a bar, bartender says
sorry we don’t make gay wedding cakes
here. Secretary of Education
walks into a school, bartender says
sorry we’re so poor. Chicago walks
into America, bartender says
look at all those black people killing each other.
Electoral college walks into November,
bartender says thank you for saving
us from Chicago. I’m starting to dislike
this bartender. You might think this
isn’t funny. I get it. I didn’t like the beard
either, until it grew on me.
At some point I came to understand
my job was to make the world
more bearable for my children.
It’s possible I was wrong & anyway
I don’t think I’m very good at it.
You pick your battles, you pick your nose,
but you can’t pick yourself up
off the ground in a cloud of teargas.
No one’s laughing. I’m not laughing.
I have broken my arm in several places,
now I’m thinking it would be best
not to go to those places anymore.